Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change....

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.


this is turning out to be harder than it seems. Its sad when you realize how much hate you have in your heart. I've always tried to be a good person but all of us feel hate at one time or another. I've been hurt in my past and i have learned to forgive and accept what happens then let it go. kinda release the pain like a balloon. but there's just one person my heart cannot bring itself to stop feeling harsh feelings towards them. I guess because the person who is being hurt the most in this situation is not me but my daughter. and as any mother can tell you, when your child is hurt you will go through heaven and earth to make that pain go away.

Yes my daughter is young, and she doesnt speak of it much but i know it hurts her when she asks about her father or mentions him. mind you i do not speak ill of him to her or around her. i love her father for the person he once was and for the beautiful child he helped me create. I just hate that he doesnt seem to care about his daughter much.

we split up about 2 years ago and for awhile we did the sharing a child thing good. we've never gone through child support or visitation issues and managed to be adults and handle it ourselves. he picked up our daughter 3 days a week and he could come see her and take her out for a bit if he liked whenever he wanted. then he got a new girlfriend as of course everyone does. that didnt bother me. but then his attention towards our daughter started to lack. 3 days turned into 2. then he wasnt the one picking her up anymore it was now his parents. then he told me that we had to change our arrangements because he was "wasting gas picking up and droppping off our daughter". (mind you he lives about a 8 min drive tops from my home) then he stoppped paying child support and instead it was paid by his parents. and now, he's moved in with his girlfriend and they are expecting their own child. our daughter spends 2 days a week with his parents but sleeps nites at my home.

i just can't understand how someone could not want to pay attention to such a wonderful chlid yet create another with someone else. i mean if i were the girl i'd be afraid he'd do the same with me. in their home my daughter says she's visited and has her own room there but she never actually goes there. it just hurts ya know? you cant change a person and i cant force him to pay attention to his other child. I k now my hate for him doesnt change anything and i need to learn to release it.. any ideas how?

well just had to blab out a little. you know how it feels to have something just festering in you. my daughter should be coming home any minute now from her day with her na na. then its cuddling with her fav show friends & our pooh blankie.
*hundred acres dreams*