i learned back in high school that no one can be sad while listening to this song.
u may start off sad but eventualy you'll catch yourself just bouncing along
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change....
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.
this is turning out to be harder than it seems. Its sad when you realize how much hate you have in your heart. I've always tried to be a good person but all of us feel hate at one time or another. I've been hurt in my past and i have learned to forgive and accept what happens then let it go. kinda release the pain like a balloon. but there's just one person my heart cannot bring itself to stop feeling harsh feelings towards them. I guess because the person who is being hurt the most in this situation is not me but my daughter. and as any mother can tell you, when your child is hurt you will go through heaven and earth to make that pain go away.
Yes my daughter is young, and she doesnt speak of it much but i know it hurts her when she asks about her father or mentions him. mind you i do not speak ill of him to her or around her. i love her father for the person he once was and for the beautiful child he helped me create. I just hate that he doesnt seem to care about his daughter much.
we split up about 2 years ago and for awhile we did the sharing a child thing good. we've never gone through child support or visitation issues and managed to be adults and handle it ourselves. he picked up our daughter 3 days a week and he could come see her and take her out for a bit if he liked whenever he wanted. then he got a new girlfriend as of course everyone does. that didnt bother me. but then his attention towards our daughter started to lack. 3 days turned into 2. then he wasnt the one picking her up anymore it was now his parents. then he told me that we had to change our arrangements because he was "wasting gas picking up and droppping off our daughter". (mind you he lives about a 8 min drive tops from my home) then he stoppped paying child support and instead it was paid by his parents. and now, he's moved in with his girlfriend and they are expecting their own child. our daughter spends 2 days a week with his parents but sleeps nites at my home.
i just can't understand how someone could not want to pay attention to such a wonderful chlid yet create another with someone else. i mean if i were the girl i'd be afraid he'd do the same with me. in their home my daughter says she's visited and has her own room there but she never actually goes there. it just hurts ya know? you cant change a person and i cant force him to pay attention to his other child. I k now my hate for him doesnt change anything and i need to learn to release it.. any ideas how?
well just had to blab out a little. you know how it feels to have something just festering in you. my daughter should be coming home any minute now from her day with her na na. then its cuddling with her fav show friends & our pooh blankie.
*hundred acres dreams*
this is turning out to be harder than it seems. Its sad when you realize how much hate you have in your heart. I've always tried to be a good person but all of us feel hate at one time or another. I've been hurt in my past and i have learned to forgive and accept what happens then let it go. kinda release the pain like a balloon. but there's just one person my heart cannot bring itself to stop feeling harsh feelings towards them. I guess because the person who is being hurt the most in this situation is not me but my daughter. and as any mother can tell you, when your child is hurt you will go through heaven and earth to make that pain go away.
Yes my daughter is young, and she doesnt speak of it much but i know it hurts her when she asks about her father or mentions him. mind you i do not speak ill of him to her or around her. i love her father for the person he once was and for the beautiful child he helped me create. I just hate that he doesnt seem to care about his daughter much.
we split up about 2 years ago and for awhile we did the sharing a child thing good. we've never gone through child support or visitation issues and managed to be adults and handle it ourselves. he picked up our daughter 3 days a week and he could come see her and take her out for a bit if he liked whenever he wanted. then he got a new girlfriend as of course everyone does. that didnt bother me. but then his attention towards our daughter started to lack. 3 days turned into 2. then he wasnt the one picking her up anymore it was now his parents. then he told me that we had to change our arrangements because he was "wasting gas picking up and droppping off our daughter". (mind you he lives about a 8 min drive tops from my home) then he stoppped paying child support and instead it was paid by his parents. and now, he's moved in with his girlfriend and they are expecting their own child. our daughter spends 2 days a week with his parents but sleeps nites at my home.
i just can't understand how someone could not want to pay attention to such a wonderful chlid yet create another with someone else. i mean if i were the girl i'd be afraid he'd do the same with me. in their home my daughter says she's visited and has her own room there but she never actually goes there. it just hurts ya know? you cant change a person and i cant force him to pay attention to his other child. I k now my hate for him doesnt change anything and i need to learn to release it.. any ideas how?
well just had to blab out a little. you know how it feels to have something just festering in you. my daughter should be coming home any minute now from her day with her na na. then its cuddling with her fav show friends & our pooh blankie.
*hundred acres dreams*
Back Once Again
It's been so long since i had a journal. At times i sit and think, there's so much i want to get out so might as well make another one. My old one was filled with too much i'd rather forget. though it went through so much. It went back to the days with chris, my first true love. Showed how our friendship turned into a relationship, that turned into an engagement then the downfall of no wedding and my life being turned upside down. My bout with depression and then eventually the rise from it.
It showed when i met my daughter's father. and went through my pregnancy and the random feelings i felt during. And if you've ever been pregnant you know how up and down those go. then i just stopped. someone cut and pasted entries i wrote to make it seem wrong and sent to random people. It really hurt me and i erased all that i had. And now 2 years later with no outlet i decided to get back to writing. How My writing will change i dont know. I went from living the carefree life and chronicalizing my single dating life , to my relationships and now its just me a single momma trying to do her best with what life has tossed her way. Will anyone find this interesting? *shrugs* who knows? Can people relate to this? odds are there are a few out there who are going through what i go through. So until i post an actual entry.... *hugs, kisses, sweet wishes*
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